Change your Mindset, Change your Life

"We all look at the same world, but what we see depends on who we are." - Rabbi Isaac of Homil

In case you're new to the world of coaching, let me give you a heads up, mindset is critical. After all, we don't experience life as life is; everything we encounter is filtered through the lens of our perception.

Examples of this fact of life are everywhere. Think back to the last time you attended an event you were looking forward to. What emotions and energy were running through your mind? Excitement? Curiosity?

Now reflect on some event or scenario you wanted to avoid. What emotions were running through your head then? Anxiety? Frustration? Negativity?

Now I want you to ask yourself a question. What would it have been like if you had switched your mindsets for those events? Think back to how much better the "negative" event could have gone if you had approached it from a place of relative positivity and calm? By the same token, how would the "exciting" event have been different if, going in, you were experiencing the emotions of the second scenario?

Most people go through life having their state and mindset dictated by factors out of their control. That fact, combined with the fact that our quality of life is shaped by how we perceive what we experience, means that most people's quality of life is not in their control!

Take a second and imagine living a life where you get to decide how good you get to feel daily! You get to decide how upset you are after a bad day! You get to choose what to focus on when things seem overwhelming!

How does that happen? Here are four tips for how to change your Mindset:

1. Take back your locus of control

The first step is to realize that you can effectively change your mindset! Ask yourself, is the emotion you are feeling beneficial for you? Do you want to be feeling what you are feeling now? If the answer is no, and if you are in a negative headspace the answer will likely be no, then realize that you control your feelings. Ask yourself, is what I am thinking about which is causing me to be in a negative headspace worth the attention I am giving it? Ask, do I want to be stuck in a moment that is either in the past or may not have happened yet? Often, just this step of stepping out of your pattern will be a great start to a positive mindset shift.

2. Shift your focus

The chief decider of our mindset is where we focus our attention. If you keep replaying the slights you feel you were given after a bad day at work on the way home, what quality of home life do you think you will experience? What energy and attitude will you be bringing to your family?

So how do we shift our focus? There are numerous ways! One effective way is to repeat out loud five things you are grateful for. In his essay Theory of Emotions, Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik discusses how our emotions don't arise in a vacuum. He explains that they are a product of how we see the world. Suppose instead of focusing on what is going wrong in your life, you concentrated on the blessing you experience every day. What impact do you imagine that would have on your mindset and emotional state?

3. Challenge the narrative:

Another effective strategy to shift your mindset is to break out of the pattern of negative thoughts running through your mind! Often any negative experience we are having exists because we have told ourselves a story that may or may not be valid. We often shift to negative thinking due to our brain trying to keep us safe.

One technique to help challenge the story we create for ourselves is the ABCs. The goal isn't to produce the "truth" but to shift our focus and acknowledge that we get to choose which narrative we buy into and guide our mindset. Here is how it works:

A) You think about what happened, the Activating event, i.e. my boss yelled at me

B) Then you identify the Belief the event causes you to have, i.e. I'm not valued at work

C) Feel the emotional Consequence the Belief leads to, i.e. feel angry and insulted

D) Come up with a new belief, a Disputation, that can frame the event in a more positive light, i.e. my boss may have just been having a bad day, or his outburst may have nothing to do with me.

E) Notice the Effect of this new Belief, i.e. I now feel much less threatened and calmer.

4. Create empowering routines:

Start your day with exercises or rituals which set your mindset up for success. You can journal, meditate, do some creative activities, or develop a gratitude practice. I encourage you to do some research, find what works for you, and set your day up for success! Doing this will preempt mindset struggles before they even happen!

5.Get a Coach

Sometimes we need someone to help point out how our current mindset holds us back. The role of a coach is to help you affect the change you want by providing the space to step outside of your natural thought patterns. A coach will help you accomplish this shift in an efficient, powerful, lasting way.